🧚🏽♉️🎂🧡
#23
shot by my very lovely friend
@barelyhispanic
i turn 23 today.
being honest i hate the fact that i’m turning twenty three, for no reason other than i have this weird animosity towards odd numbers.. they’re fucking weird.. or maybe i’m just a little quirky.. or maybe because turning twenty three means i’m a year closer to turning twenty five, and that makes me uncomfortable. i can’t decide whether that is because i feel as though i am nowhere close to where i wanted to be, or because in my psych class i learned schizophrenia sometimes does not develop until your frontal lobe does and that fact has filled me with paranoia for years.
OR maybe because despite everything, i’ve planted seeds, watered them, tended to them, changed their environment for the better. i’ve seen them blossom, and now they’re growing at a rate i had no idea was possible.. and they’re beautiful. full of life, of color, light, and of love. the rainy days nourish them, they no longer drown. excuse my inner ramblings, odd jokes, and metaphors, i tend to do that when i get vulnerable lol.
what i mean to say is each and every day i take the steps to fulfill the promise i made to my 9 year old self.. whenever people asked me what i wanted to be it wasn’t a pilot, an astronaut, it was never a career, but to be the best version of alivia possible. i don’t know what nine year old decides that for themselves but apparently i did + i’ve strived my whole life to make that true. so maybe i’m not where i thought i would be, and i’m still not even the best version of me, but i’ve blossomed into such beautiful being. and as uncomfortable as it makes me to celebrate, and recognize that.. i deserve my flowers.
