reflections on the first video I've ever filmed. you'll have to excuse me if they're intimate;
I desperately wish to craft stories, to tell them in a compelling way. I believe this is the drive for many artists, of various mediums, so you (yes, you. we are all artists in some way) will likely understand what I mean by this
I've got a pretty good track record of artistic hobbies that center story-telling; from writing, to running tabletop, to photography, to improv comedy.. the list goes on and will continue to meander if I age
I've been studying filmmaking at a distance for some time now. while I am confident in treading my path of creative direction as a photographer, an attempt to create video felt like a leap of faith I did not have the courage to take
which leads me to be endlessly grateful of
@harpbyvictoria for placing her trust in me to bring her vision to life. her confidence in my abilities and playful excitement encouraged me to lock the fear in a box, just for a bit, and jump headfirst. thank you, victoria, for being such an incredibly creative partner throughout the creation of your video
this project has bruised my ego in a really lovely way. I don't often become frustrated, however I have felt nothing but gut wrenching failure despite the positive feedback
throughout my life, I have refrained from sharing my other forms of art until I've hit a certain skill level, until I've felt satisfied, until I've felt they were "good enough"
I wanted to hide this video, lock it in my archive folders littered with the skeletal systems of art thrown aside, and wipe my hands clean before anyone was the wiser. it would be a shame for someone to see me at anything other than my best, huh?
I am struggling to fight this urge. it is a good struggle, one I am proud of myself for giving. I've bared my teeth to this unrelenting insecurity and not only spoken of the project to everyone I can, but shown it off as well. because I love this art and I've loved the process of creating it. I may instinctually see this as a failure, but.
failure is exciting.
there is so much to improve upon. what a thrilling feeling.
