Came up for me in
#meditation this morning🙃
🧘🏽♀️
What hit wasn’t the “DESERVE”, it was the “ALL”. SOME, I can handle, but I actually got uncomfortable thinking about “having it all”🥴
🧘🏾♀️
#Worth means something different 2 everyone, but I’ve come 2 know myself as always battling uphill 2 PROVE my worth: in relationships, career advancement, a financial increase, talent, etc..I’ve STRUGGLED w/feeling unworthy of certain levels of abundance & expansion.
🧘🏽♀️
Wait….let me not lie & try 2 make this post all about some PAST struggle. I STILL struggle w/the value I place on myself🥴. RIGHT NOW.
🧘🏽♀️*deep breath*
The past 5 years, I’ve gone in & out of bouts of depression. It’s completely natural 4 life 2 ebb & flow, but the ebbs have all but knocked me OUT. No one would look at me (or my presentational personality online🙄), & think I was suffering w/suicidal ideation. Even some of my
#closefriends didn’t detect it. The few who knew, have kept me protected and uplifted💖
🧘🏽♀️
Buuut….NO ONE can make ME feel better about ME!
NO ONE ELSE can look at me through MY EYES & make me see my self-worth!
NO ONE ELSE can make me FEEL Iike I DESERVE ALL that life has 2 offer.
That sh&@ gotta come from WITHIN!
🧘🏽♀️
I’m writing this 2 say…I’m still struggling. But I’m actively working at getting out of my own way. And I’m not gon’ lie…Social media is a HUGE trigger 4 me😫. Soooo…this is part of my therapy🙃. Being able 2 post honestly, w/all my flaws, fears, insecurities and doubts & find acceptance 4 myself, the REAL ME, (not based on likes or comments or worrying bout the f%&@!g algorithm😖), is gonna be a MAJOR step!
🧘🏽♀️
Maybe someone else will feel seen, heard & understood in that lonely place where we isolate ourselves from our tribe, & our own joy. I KNOW I’m not alone. But 4 the first time, I’m willing 2 stand alone in my transparency. Even if I lose followers or people call me weak or “depressing”, I know there’s strength in vulnerability, & that is where I choose 2 begin taking back my power.
👊🏽🙌🏽🙏🏽🖤
#Zakiya #SelfConscious #Worth #LifePath11 #PersonalYear7 #GoingWithin #iDesrveitALL 
