It has taken me a long time to fully process the gravity of this whole pandemic and how it has truly affected me. There are so many things I am grateful for; family, friends, a job to return to once the virus has cleared. But most importantly, my health and the health of those most important to me. While I recognize I have so much to be grateful for, I would be lying to myself if I did not admit that there is so much that brings me sadness these days.
This year, Christmas does not truly feel like Christmas, because the traditions I know and love are nowhere to be found. I would give anything to be performing the Nutcracker today...
I miss stepping onstage, and having my breath taken away for just a split second before my mind and body react to the music. I miss the hand squeezes side stage from my colleagues as a little last minute “good luck!” The frantic run made to the rosin box “just in case” as if I hadn’t already rosined my shoes twice already. I miss the feeling of not knowing if I’m rehearsed enough, and the encouragement from my partners reminding me otherwise. Standing at the side of the stage cheering the flowers on, because they made it halfway through the waltz. I miss dressing room shenanigans, countdowns to the end of the run, our “complain chart”, Secret Santa, practicing damage control when rehearsal photos come out...The panic-stricken feeling of seeing nightly casting all marked up in red pen.
But more than that, I miss my colleagues at Colorado Ballet who have become like a second family to me. Fellow dancers, ballet staff, waredrobe, my favorite stage hands, media/marketing, ticketing, and education to name a few. The good, the bad, and the blistered ugly; I miss it all.
Instead, I will reminisce by watching The Nutcracker on repeat today presented by Rocky Mountain PBS and PNC Bank. Where I am reminded of my gratitude, and passion for the art form. If you find yourself with nothing to do today, I highly suggest checking it out. Support local artists, we need you now more than ever. 💕
#coloradoballet #thenutcracker #rmpbs #missingthesemoments #ievenmissstageleftpinkflower #andtheécartéstep 
