“•Through mud it rises Through water it emerges Through sunlight it blossoms
•We too have the ability to rise from the mud, bloom out of darkness, and radiate into the world”
🌞
📸: @michaelash.smith
🌼: Lotus flower at the Denver Botanic Gardens
A Beginning and End to a cycle in my life (this season)
Keeping with this tradition- here are some moments from the last half of this cycle ✨
To be honest, I was hesitant to post anything at all , I deeply love keeping my life close to my chest, my loved ones and my friends. I’d always rather say it in person , than over text or a post. Those that know me , and love me, have always made me feel okay to be this way.
This doesn’t mean I don’t love to share - I think my career is the biggest reflection of that.
As someone special generously reminded me - I dance and perform to Give, I share my soul and my heart in The hopes that others feel it, and feel connected to me, and something bigger than us both. I dance to share in a universal feeling- from love to heartbreak. I dance to share it all
Thank you for reminding me of this about myself. For letting me know this part of my heart and soul is not lost on those I so dearly want to connect with. In a moment of doubt - she reminded me of my internal light
So yes, I do share in the personal , but struggle on this surface (probably why my captions are so long)
I’m learning to understand my light so I can love her , honor her
So you’ll probably keep hearing from me in this medium of posts in Cycles
In other mediums I’ll gush and dance, cry and laugh, hold space and stillness and support for those I love, Always
The End ✨
A day late but that seems to be right on track for me#WorldBalletDay
Posting these especially in honor of my first time being able to perform in brown tights 🤎This role was one of the most bitter sweet for me. And if I’m being honest, I feel like I failed and fell (LITERALLY) in a lot of ways. Despite this, I wouldn’t change a thing. I think it’s important to be able to feel disappointed, it just means you have the heart to strive for more. I hope I get to meet this role again one day, there are many things I learned and am still contemplating on so I can grow. and a lot of what I learned was from my perceived failures. I think this role was a moment for me to maybe not conquer, but fall and see if I could truly get back up. Learning to be thankful for this moment, and most of all , the best silver lining of all, that I got to do it in my brown tights. It means a lot to me that in some of the most worrisome moments of my career so far, I got to feel at home in my skin 🤎 I can’t express how much that feeling of safety meant to me🤎
💭Lady of The Camelia’s Reflections🥀 1)This music leading into our little trio makes me happy & ended up being my favorite section to watch in act 2 2)Watching Leah before I dance inspires me so much-someone who puts it all out there, rehearsals & show after show & is so beautiful, it’s my honor to follow and later dance beside her.This is just one small portion of all my feels.Gosh. Where do I start with (3)You, Nichette. I guess I’ll go back to the beginning.The 15 minute sessions w Cat & Dana between class & rehearsal. For context- at the beginning of the year Cat and I made a promise to support & help each other on our Turning quest. Dana,our mentor & Angel, put her time & knowledge into helping us, truly truly believing in us day after day with Our worries, excitement,(temporary ;)) disappointment, tears. Dana & Cat held me up when I felt like maybe I could never conquer something like a consistent solid beautiful turn. Then came Nichette. I never imagined I would be honored with such a challenging part. Turns, exuberance, softness, sharpness, grace (did I mention the all the pirouettes). When I say I NEVER thought I would do something like this…I truly mean it. All that aside-the insecurity, wants,”needs”-My heart is full to have done something so out of my (perceived) element. I’m playing a part but I can’t quite express the gratitude & happiness I feel to think that at a moment in this timeline,I am Nichette, I can turn after turn on stage, I can make people smile, make people proud, & make people want to dance with this part. This particular moment on stage is as close as I’ve gotten to feeling the perfection in imperfection. The gratitude for loving something so much that your “failures”, like falling or hopping out of turns aren’t failures at all in the grand scheme of things when u never stop striving, just a little fumble in a sentence that expresses your love & the story we’re telling. Perhaps that fumble just reminds people you are human too, that anyone & everyone and their story is on the stage. Nichette is my favorite projection of someone so full of Love&Honor. She embodies what I hope to be, just like my Paw Paw. How Beautifully Kismet
“I never knew where I was goin
I went where the water was flowin’
I know I’ve been gone a long time
But
I’m back and I want what is mine”⛅️
🎶BTSU - Jai Paul
📸 @kathyspanskiphotos
“I just want to feel liberated…”
⛅️
So I have a whole other post
With another picture, another caption, about the end of our 2021/22 season and my favorite program Masterworks. But the picture can’t be approved and I struggled with making my caption concise so I think I’m the end it’s something like divine intervention; I’m not meant to share everything on here. It’s been a month and I can’t change it-“ it’s too long” and the picture, of my favorite moment in Petite Mort from the 5th pas, can’t be shared..so maybe those profound memories/lessons aren’t meant to be on here, rather , their home should stay in my soul.
This season, from Zulma to Caged Bird at the Ellie to Petite Mort, was particularly life changing. In so many ways that I describe in my Draft, but, again, perhaps those details are meant to stay in my heart, not to be released yet other than through real life interaction and the rest of my career.
So for now, the best summary I could find
“I just want to feel liberated * I-I-na-na-na* ” (please sing it or it’s just weird written out)
And Thank You to everyone (you know who you are cuz I’m sure and I hope I told you many a times )for giving me the space, the faith, the literal and mental support as a partner , the choreography and platforms , the characters/roles and poems turned into dance, to be unshackled from my worries, to be me , to feel in a moment truly Liberated🤎⛅️
To Zulma:
Growing up, I don’t think I ever could have believed Id do a role like this , full of power but also so relate-ably soft, almost fragile at times. My inner baby ballerina was so giddy for 2 weekends and is still beaming at the memories. There’s so much in this short little dance, I fell in love immediately. You have taught me so much. To stop questioning myself so much. A reminder of how joyous it is to push and push. A gentle lesson that mistakes can still be beautiful if your heart is in the right place (no i am not perfect in this video, and maybe not my best , but I feel so much love for this role beyond my fumbles)
All the love I received as I gave this my everything brings me to tears still, I can’t believe I deserve it but I’m so so so beyond grateful to have it.
Zulma, I love your essence and the quality /mood this part brings to the stage. I love the power of standing behind my Myrta (s). I love the strength as I watch/follow/and dance with my fellow willies who are so very strong and powerful, bringing me the most wonderful stability. What a blessing you are zulma, till we meet again ❤️💕✨
Sweet Bean is 6 months Old today 🥺 she is becoming the sweeetest lil lady. All of her lil mannerisms are the most precious gems that never cease to make my heart melt. Her lil wiggly mornings and greetings, her lil crazy eyes playing tug, her head shake as she cuddles , trying to get as close as possible … you remind me of my pups growing up and the unconditional , unique love a forever companion has to give to world and the humans blessed enough to have them in their life. I love you so much Ms Nina, HAPPY HALF BIRFDAY
Happy Automnal Equinox 🍁 !! A beautiful reminder on a day of equilibrium between day and night that transitions are natural and welcomed for the earth, soul , and body. Finding moments of balance between the highs and lows, each season has a purpose just as each happy thought or moment of anguish. Wishing for growth despite the leaves falling around me and warmth in/from the soul as the days start to grow colder ⛅️
