Susan 🌈🦋💜😇📸❄️✨

I tried contacting the governor office several times this last year, (along with others)primarily wanting to leave a message for the Lt Gov Peggy Flanagan regarding my time being homeless after filing a VAWA due to a nonIPV and falling through systems cracks. Although I am “housed” now. I’m displaced, unhappy, not supportive, stuck, depressed and unsure of next steps which is not easy when your disabled, poor, etc. I also do not know what is going on with the other stuff in my life because of what happened, which I hate. I met with a staffer who really did not know much about DV/VAWA: the reason I was homeless and how countless others are. Nor had he heard of how I fell through the cracks. But acknowledged I was a survivor, strong advocate, seemed resourceful, luv and miss my kids and community and didn’t deserve what happened. And let’s be real there is probably not a lot he can do and I might not ever get a follow up or through, which is typical from elected officials and even other service providers and non profits; my goal is not to continue to suffer/struggle or be homeless again but also to make sure others don’t go through what I went through. Seems like I have to repeat my story, which is trauma. But I will do what I can to try to make changes. Oddly I attended a screening of @asolutiontohomelessness and Lt Flanagan was there. I was able to meet Don, one of producers. He was very nice and the movie was great. I really couldn’t stay much for the panel. Part because of the trek back home, and also it’s hard to listen to privileged executives talk about their orgs when most really have no clue how it feels to be in our shoes. At the end of the day; I believe there was more service industry type folks in general in the audience than “housing crisis clients” (currently or formerly homeless) I wish there would of been a bigger mix so Q&A would of been more beneficial of staying past my bedtime so I could make oncology treatments today.

Congrats ladies @pwhl_minnesota @thepwhlofficial what a first year for all! But esp Minnesota 🏒💜🥳🏆 #hockey #pwhl

Loss is hard. Grief is hard. Change is hard. Transitions are hard. Isolation is hard. Depression is hard. Pain is hard. New beginnings that you did not expect or wish for are super hard. Processing things alone when under duress or in crisis is hard. Experiencing a trauma mostly alone is debilitating. Estrangement during that is confusing. Figuring out how to fit in at a new place on top of said situations is frustrating. Trying to stop caring when your an empath doesn’t happen over night. Not all of us can just “get over it” and “move on” or “stop dwelling”. #loss #pain #tbi #ptsd #empathy #mentalhealth #midlifecrisis #disability #abandoned #compassion #trauma #communication

Blueberry, a little stuff animal from my mom- The little blue bear I kept since I was a little girl because I have a memory of my mom taking me to Shopko and letting me pick out one toy and one pair of shoes. I kept this bear close to me for 45 yrs. (I am 50 now). I took him to Florida, Oklahoma, California, Hawaii, New York, New Jersey, Maryland, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Indiana, Ohio, Kansas, Iowa, Colorado, Alaska, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Minnesota, as well as countless other places. As did my kids. They have both kept blueberry for trips or during hard times to have by their side. If I was struggling they would run to go get it for me to show me luv and support. Today is Mother’s Day. Last year I was with my mom but the first time without my kids. This year I wanted my kids and I to go visit my mom but she said no because my sister was visiting from Denver (we haven’t really talked in a year, they don’t include me on family functions anymore and I have been disregarded when I was going through a crisis and needed them the most). Nonetheless, memories are hard. But I still have blueberry. And today I hold him tight. To keep me safe, to help me through hard times but to never forget my mom and that day in the store! I miss my mom, family, my kids, special times, etc. Being alone is hard during a time like this esp when it is avoidable. I can’t help I luv hard and had empathy or compassion. I can’t help I was damaged/injured/broken. I can’t help I have had PTSD my entire life. I can’t help that I can no longer smile behind my tears. I have to be honest. Trust me, I wish I wasn’t so sad all the time. But, I wish people also understood trauma, brain injuries, mental health/suicide, homelessness, family structures/importance, isolation, displacement, pain, crisis, disabilities, abandonment can do to a person in such a small time frame/what they can actually do to someone. No one deserves this pain. So I hope if you are also suffering too, you are not alone. If you are without your mom or kids, for what ever reason; I am so sorry. I send you blueberry xoxo. #ptsd #tbi #loneliness #sad #isolation #crisis #dv #mothersday #mother #lonely #brokenheart

About last night. A few shots out of many. From Dusk to Dawn. Finally one night without crying, alone outside with nature at peace and sometimes joined by many strangers witnessing this event. To have connection is so important. To have experiences that do not cause you pain or sadness are so important. To not be alone when you are not ok is so important. Thank you Universe. #auroraborealis #aurora #northernlights

Thinking of all my native/Indigenous friends, family, community today as they grieve while showing support #braidsforcole #colebringsplenty #nativelivesmatter #mmir

I have been coming to Action Day for Victims of Violence for 18 years (accept during the pandemics). I have been a victim of violence/victim witness of violent crimes, several times in MN over the 20 years I have lived here and I do not think much has changed to help victims. It has caused me to be homeless 3 times. I have advocated numerous times to try to help myself, my kids and also others. The worse was this last year when I fell through the cracks due to my age/IPV status and it seemed no one cared. It’s one thing when family and friends ignore you but it is another when community organizations or services drop the ball. It makes me wonder who else they are failing and where is all the money going? I reached out to numerous folks and was passed around, put in a revolving door or ignored. So I wrote a #victimimpact story and passed it around to most the speakers, then walked around the state and senate office holding my sign and pass it around. I hope it gets some attention to much needed change, as I say, it wont be abusers that kill us, it will be the system. Sometimes we need a lot of help: maybe more than once too, esp if we are disabled from it. I have been drowning for 14 months. #investinsurvivors #domesticviolence #crimevictims #mnleg #supportALLvictims #tbi #ptsd #equity #equality #nevergiveup #system

I 💜 U 🍯🐰🐻 Although it has been a wild journey. I am glad I saved you from a bad breeder and you saved me from harm as well. Hopefully we can get them shut down, pass new reform, have some regulation and get money back to pay for your vet bills. And they won’t be allowed to sell, trade or give unhealthy, unlicensed, unregistered, unethical practices dogs again or lie about their breed. #NationalPuppyDay #doglover #bestfriend #ESA #husky #disability #ptsd #tbi #huskypuppy #huskylove #huskylife #honey #honeybear #honeybun #chukchi #chukotka #chukchee #siberia #alaska #puppylemonlaw #mnleg #onlyinmn

Homeless Day on the Hill Minnesota was overwhelming, triggering & exhausting for me yesterday, but I am proud of myself for coming, esp after eye surgery/follow up procedure from my previous work that left me almost worse off than the blunt force trauma to the head months ago. I’m still struggling to see, having migraines, sensitivity to light, and tbh I feel drunk/nauseous so much (but I don’t drink) so the feeling makes me upset. I used the last of my money to take a @Lyft since I don’t have transportation in my new displaced unsafe/unstable housing situation to make sure I got to the program/capitol, so that I would be able to share part of my story. I was also hoping to take advantage of my free meal ticket from the Coalition but my vision impaired disabled slow AF ass couldn’t see the deadline and walked all the way over to the transportation building just to miss it. The time my CADi waiver worker finally did my referral for connect-ability, is just finding out Lyft might be leaving. I still do not have the funding even though I been asking for help for over a year, and although not specific to this. As I had to learn about it the hard way. But there is alot of waiting, loopholes, barriers, interviews, paperwork, referrals, no reimbursement on supports, etc it adds to already challenging times. Anyways, I was #homeless less than a year ago because I used #VAWA but fell through cracks due to my age & IPV status. There is no prevention programs to not having housing anymore nor is there solid support for those fleeing DV, while disabled, with injuries and there is nothing to help you transition/stay on your feet. So I might be right back where I started. I have already been homeless 3 times in MN due to violence. The first one 20 years ago due to IPV, the second one due as a victim witness to the MPD killing my neighbor, the last due to non-IPV. I am 50. Nothing has changed much in this state. If I have struggled for so much/long, imagine others worse off than me, maybe more elderly or disabled, those with language barriers, youth, struggling with transitioning, mental health, addiction, etc. #mnleg #MCHDOTH #TBI #PTSD #grayarea #LGBTQ #DV #disabled

Congrats @tjoshie7 you are amazing dude!

No more words. This has been and will be a fear for my son and countless other youth in our communities. I’m so sorry to his family. I know the fear of 911. It shouldn’t be this way. #RyanGainer #disabilityawareness #autismacceptance #blacklivesmatter

I will never forget this day, or what happened to him. The LA riots after, the way people responded around the world (or lack of) and the cops that lived with themselves like nothing happened/got away with it. #rodneyking #neverforget