💔 KNIFE (A POEM 5/23/24)
You’re always with me. But you’re gone.
Like the knife that cut the skin, that left the scar.
Things are always cause and effect.
Like The pain that caused a scare.
The scare that caused a rush, caused an ambulance caused a fuss.
Caused conversations and caused test.
Causing surgery. Which caused deep rest.
Then came recovery room and frantic requests,
questions unanswered, nurses afraid to answer.
How is he? No answer.
How did the surgery go? Nothing.
And then … realization. You were here. Now, nothing.
Where is he? What happened? More questions…
Only one answer:
“He had to go, so you could live.”
Answer brings anger. Anger. Anger. Anger…
Unmoved by danger, uncaring of the outcome, I should be with him.
If he goes, I go.
Silence.
Who made this decision? Who let me live and my son die?
Silence.
Silence brings acceptance.
Acceptance brings mourning,
Late nights of tears and study, searching until morning.
Tears bring flowers, and visits, and meals cooked by loved ones
and strangers.
And then…. Everyone forgets.
Forgetting brings loneliness. Loneliness brings more mourning, More wishing more wanting,
More wondering.
So today, like everyday, I miss you.
But today unlike any other day I profess it.
I claim it.
I acknowledge it to the world…
A world that has never felt completed since your departure…
I miss you. I mourn you. Forever.
Knowing we will reunite some day in the far future.
When I’ve lived.
And made you and your brother proud.
When he and I can talk about you without feeling a need to be strong.
Because the strength has already been shone.
My acceptance has grown.
My heart has forgiven and never groans, for a different outcome
Other than you now happy, unaffected, resting, playing in heaven.
I miss you. Forever. But you’re with me forever.
Just like this scar, left by a knife, that took the sweetest life,
my sweet little boy, that only brought peace, excitement and joy.
Rest well Kylo. Forever on earth away from me;
forever my halo.
#infantloss #pregnancyloss #pregnancylossawareness #grief #griefquotes #griefjourney @jheneaiko #neveralone ♥️
