Fleshbag update: currently sitting at 223 and aiming for a (somewhat) tidy 240 over the summer. I'm eating a pound of chicken and rice as we speak, and am absolutely sick/loving it. Overall, still chasing good movements in my lifts but am trying to work on reducing the lengths of my workouts, specifically by doing more tissue work outside of the gym so I'm coming in more limber.
I can't fit in my pants again and will need a wardrobe upgrade soon.
Photos were taken in the DMV Iron posing room with the help of @muscledogslayer . Its my second time in a proper posing room and, man, does it make a difference. I wish I had something like this near me in Michigan!
Sitting at 209 with my only fan.
Steadily working on getting back into some better habits as I bulk up this winter, and too, plant the seed for some projects at work that are exciting me in ways I haven't felt in a while (but is this just a dream so far?)
Will November spawn a monster in me? Will I hit 230lbs at a decent composition who can keep the dishes by his desk in check? Or how about a night without this screen kissing my retinas goodnight? The creative spurts distilled into magical day dreams on the interstate that vanish when you look away (object permanence, is that you?), does that happen to a monster soon?
The word to focus on is spawn.
I'll be spawn again, more than I have been in ages.
Not just during a phone call or too few video chat, but when I wake up in the morning or come home from the grocery store.
Cuz moms gonna be moving to Michigan and honestly that's kinda cool and, honestly, being able to say/feel that is kinda a gift.
Anyway.
Here's my flesh. Thanks for reading xoxoxo
#lifting#bodybuilding#bodybuilder#posingpractice
Just a boi and their mullet walking down the grocery aisle when he suddenly spots a BOGO sale on Fage Greek yogurt (his favorite).
This sketch is for a flier promoting a local queer figuring drawing group in excited to attend once I'm back in Michigan this week.
The proportions are a bit off but I was really here just for the patterning and body hair. The feet are nice tho. Shame that I can't share the whole image.
(Finished up this sketch tonight cuz, as I told my partner, if I don't hyperfocus on finishing the stairs today I won't touch it for another week. So instead of properly scanning it, here's a shitty photo lol)
#queerart#copic#art#demonboyfaglol
Coming in hot from my first work conference in the two years at @atnresearch .
Coming in prehistoric asteroid."sorry I'm late to the game,"I, a sentient and emotional space rock, would whisper to the stratosphere as I passed by. "But I'm here to kiss the earth not pop a dent in its face." Is that what it means to be grounded?
No, it's more coming in homesick astronaut -- homesick astronaut on the car ride home with Kundera on the brain. How's the garden looking? Is the cafe around the corner still open? Has my partner replaced my favorite pillow? My wanderlust inverted -- let's look at the small, the mundane, the easy and natural. The honest pleasures and joys.
I'm coming in having met dozens and dozens of colleagues that I have only known digitally in the two years I've been in this research network, having left stimmed from gut to sky.
Real talk. Direct talk. Say what you mean to say talk:
I'm simultaneously surprised and not surprised by how grounding and motivating this work conference has been. Graduating from a largely digital program into a remote position has left me feeling abstracted as a person. Literally disembodied.
Id like to show up whole. I'd like to show up to work i care about.Id like to show up among people that wanna geek out about science but also find pleasure/dignity/privilege in supporting our communities. Show up and find the lines blurred and messy
Sometimes through research. Sometimes through art.
Sometimes through resources.
Sometimes through human presence.
But whole.
I'm totally riding a high from just meeting new faces and ideating about work. But man if I don't wanna plant some cool fucking seeds.
Examples of seeds:
Seed for increasing participant understanding of research projects with more digestible materials explaining study involvement.
Seeds for projects that address social and legal issues that affect queer, BIPoC and other communities impacted by the fuckstorm that is *gestures broadly to the whole of exists *
Seeds for creative projects that ground our work in the real, the personal, the human in spite of *gestures broadly to the whole of existence, but this time less dismally.
A week in doodles with a limited selection of colors and pens I've been carrying around in my fanny pack, all done in a palm sized note book.
1. Saturday -- went to pride, "oh, is this my local queer community? I don't recognize many folks." I don't like hugs often; not knowing folks is a good way to avoid hugs. So we cacoon.
2. Friday - oldest guy at the techno party dances. Is he ecstatic or did he just pull his back? Both!
3. Thursday - vivifying a doodle for the sake of playing God
4. Last Sunday - an impromptu doodle of Spiderman for a 3 year old's birthday party.
#art#artpractice#micron#copic#queerart
Photo dump from my trip to San Francisco.
1. Man gawking at the extreme texture of this painting. Caught in a classic r2rotron pose by @r2rotron
2. Two homosexuals sitting in the AIDS Memorial Grove in Golden Gate Park. Was it a pleasant stroll or a somber reflection in the decimation of our queer elders? Both.
3. Self portrait at Hole In The Wall. The line to play pool was kinda long, but the bathroom had a chalkboard so i stuck around for a minute to piss and unwind.
4. A mural along Mission and 17th. Gentrification came up in conversations about food, dancing, housing, and local history. This place used to be ___ but ____ has ____ everything.
5. A public harness.
6. I could really be better about finding this performers name. They came out singing some Julie Andrews shit as Link and they absolutely dunked. From a Nintendo night called Princess.
7. Local baby harasses weak man for tacos. Proceeds to get taco.
8. Rolling fog from a hill on Corona Heights.
9. Snapshot from the Kehinde Wiley exhibit at the DeYoung.
Oooh loving these from the party i twisted my ankle at/for.
Thots:
I thought i used to enjoy dancing when i danced at bars as a go go dancer. But given the freedom of a dance floor larger than a 4x4' box, given communion with a DJ out to save my life with a (techno) song, I've enjoyed throwing myself further and further into a fugue state. (how melodramatic! Boy makes meaning in a rave. Ground breaking.)
This weekend, I threw myself into dance again at a queer Latino event that played alot of the music I've only ever danced to alone in my room in Michigan. Techno meets bad bunny meets Norteña. Hailed at the intersections. But I was just as quickly flung out the moment I spoke up in Spanish. Clumsy. Heavy. What am I even going to say? A pocho fully realized. Quiet submission to assimilation in less than one generation.
In Michigan, I could nudge off the discomfort. The consequences, minimal. But here, in this room with other Spanish speaking queers, the consequence was alienation, from others and thereby myself.
Think sexy club thoughts.
Think sexy club thoughts
What are you going to do?
Dance.
What's that gonna solve?
Nothing. I'll just feel good.
Tell me the truth.
Fine, I'll admit it. If i dance hard enough, if i dance with enough spirit, no one will care about what I have to say.
I guess, but you'll still care.
.
I blabbered these feelings to a boy, arms wrapped around one another. I think i said too much, but isnt this what it means to be present? (No.)
I blabbered to a friend and a stranger and then another guy too. My mouth dripping with sticky, drying saliva.
I spent the rest of the night on the dance floor. Lost in the sauce. Shirt off. Convincing myself that I'm okay. And yeah, I'm fine.
#queerlatino#culturalidentity#identitycrisis
Per my file name: "large anal bead man."
While I was visiting home during Christmas, @rentpoet and I talked about drawing the cover for their upcoming book, Maze Mouth. A few months later, it's pretty rad to see 5 full images come out of this conversation. This is one of the latest.
The biggest takeaway: body hair fun
#art#lineart#queerart#illustration
I am corporeal on occasion. Sitting at 197 here somewhat enjoying my new programming. Focusing on strengthening my mobility and stability has proved challenging and doesn't feel as immediately rewarding as my usual lifting style, but I'm trying to hone in on those long term benefits.
Hopefully in a few months, I'll have stronger shoulders that won't problematize movements. But till then, I'll be measuring progress in terms of the frequency and degree or discomfort along my shoulder girdle rather than purely external.
#bodybuilding#recovery#maintenance#idk#gymfag lol
